Soak up the sun when it's out, and then make the choice to enjoy the storms! Here in the midwest we had a few days of this, last week -- literally. The mornings start cloudy, the sun comes out, the weather warms and makes me wish school was out so we could spend the day outside non-stop. Then it gets really warm -- almost hot. A storm brewing, no doubt.
Now, I'm not a "fan" of storms. I would rather enjoy a sunny day warm and delightful, than be stuck inside with the booming and the rain. But...can I plant my garden without the rain? A storm is the natural way of clearing out the dead brush and limbs and undergrowth in the woods/fields -- that's how the creator made it, to work in harmony. The sunshine feeds life, the rain grows life, and the winds complete the cycle. So on those stormy days I appreciate the time to catch up inside, if the chores are done (shocker, believe me) I have the freedom for some reading time or a game with my kids. The blessing in the storm, if you will.
Life with boys is like a late spring day -- changes constantly and there's usually a storm brewing. But there are so many joys too -- the moments of wholesome boy play, getting good and dirty just for the sake of being hands-on, jumping to help mom (because that's what good men do). In the storms, I have to choose to appreciate what I can of it.
It's a challenge in the thick of it -- to not lose my cool, or feel the failure. To keep heart and faith that God will see me past that valley of life. At one point I was ready to throw in the towel -- I had a 2 year old and an infant and I was overwhelmed. Almost two years later I had a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn -- really overwhelmed. As they grew it was moments of complete contrition. I'm not worthy to be their mother. I will never get this right. I'm losing my mind. How will they learn to be good men if they have an angry, frustrated mother who can't get past her own hormones? I was on my knees crying out to God to carry me through that -- the depression, the unworthiness, the fear over my lack of control in my situation.
The amazing thing is he did carry me through it. He brought me to a group of moms that knew exactly where I was at -- fellowship and understanding, someone to walk along side me. I grew by leaps and bounds spiritually those first few years in my MOPS group -- I'm still growing. He carried my marriage through it to -- we made it past that typical "7 year discontentment." I don't call it the itch, because I never really wanted to leave, but it was so hard to really focus on what we wanted for the future of our marriage when my own selfishness wanted to focus on what I wanted for my future (or my family's future). But our gracious God did not stop at taking care of me and my marriage, he changed my perspective on my role as Mom.
As moms of boys it is our privilege and our calling to be here for our boys. We guide them and nurture them. My philosophy is I'm not raising boys, I'm raising men -- hopefully strong, good, faith-filled men. Men who will be husbands and fathers and leaders. Can I do that of my own free will? Is it my effort alone that will bear fruit? Is it my actions that will affect my kids and generations to come, for my name alone? Yes, I hope to leave a legacy, but not one for me. I hope to leave a legacy that in how God leads me and uses me, as his hands and feet, will indeed be ultimately glorifying to Him.
A friend challenged me to join her in the 21 Days of Prayer for our Sons Challenge http://www.themobsociety.com/21-days-of-prayer-for-sons/ and I have seen two benefits immediately -- though I'm sure there's more fruit to come.
I'm humbled to realize that it's not my power and action that will take my sons to that ultimate goal -- it is the faithfulness of the Lord. The thing I am assured of is that if we pray faithfully and believe He can do anything in our children's lives, He will answer that prayer. The timing is not always our own -- but I have faith that his purpose and timing are better and more purposeful than my own. Prayer is the single most powerful thing we as moms can do for our sons (or daughters, for that matter). The commentator challenged us to wear holes in our jeans praying. Not holes in our shoes chasing, or crackles in our voice lecturing. Holes in our knees, praying -- bringing our boys and their futures before our gracious God who concerns himself with even the littlest of our concerns. We don't have all the answers or solutions to every problem or question, but we do have the opportunity to show we have faith despite that lack of knowledge. Believing without seeing or knowing is true faith. Letting go of our own control and giving it over to the wisdom of the Lord.
Second, I have been blessed to really grow in my prayer life through this. To feel like I'm finally doing something right and making an impact for my boys and their future as men. I find myself not only in prayer for them, but for their future wives as well. For their future families and the impact they in-turn can make on the world for our Lord's purpose.
Then today in church, as our Lord is so apt to do, I was presented with a neon sign. I pray for neon signs, you see. I know in my blur of a life, I'm prone to miss subtlety; I need big clear messages. Our pastor was in Matthew chapter 9, and he reminded us that the least likely believer is the one that Christ makes His priority. That wayward son will be sought by God. My boys are too young to be real heart-knowledge believers yet, but I know the promises of the Lord don't say they won't wander. The Lord knows what the future holds, I don't. The promise of the Lord is that if I point my sons on the right path, when they are old they will not turn from it.
It is my hope they grow to know the Lord and stay in his truth -- that it will be warm fuzzies all the way. The reality is the enemy tells a tempting lie; he makes it easier to believe the world than the Word. It is my job as mom to never lose faith in the Lord's work in my sons' lives, no matter how overwhelmed I am by the circumstances. No matter how hard it gets, I must never cease praying and never lose hope. I will always love my sons unconditionally -- through the good and the bad, through the mountains and the valleys. Just as my Father loves me unconditionally, so I must distinguish between the sin or error and my son. Hate the sin, love the sinner -- always. After all, aren't I one, too?
There are days that are full of challenges, but I can either lament the difficulty of it, or I can look for the teachable moment and pray my sons and I grow from it. I look forward to the moment when I can look back on our lives and in retrospect see the times the Lord has brought us through the valleys and back to the mountaintops. A speaker at a women's conference I attended recently, Holly Wagner, made the poignant point:
Wouldn't it be great if life was mountaintop, mountaintop, mountaintop, Heaven?! That's not how it works -- life is full of valleys. But where does the fruit grow? Not on the mountaintop, but in the valley!
When we are overwhelmed by this calling we have as moms, it is not the point to give up, but rather to cling to a purpose and faith stronger than my own efforts and will. So my message this Mother's Day is this -- don't run from the storms in life. Look for the blessing, dance in the rain, and know the harvest is yet to come!
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